She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
