You smell like a Billy Joel song
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize