I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize