loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
