I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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