Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
