JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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