420 ftw
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
