I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can you bring me the toilet please
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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