I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
