I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
