I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
