and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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