We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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