I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
