he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
