Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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