did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
