I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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