For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
