dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
