You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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