i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
