btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
