yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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