just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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