In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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