Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
