and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
