I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
