what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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