so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
