i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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