Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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