yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
