i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
