elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
