no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
