Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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