DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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