I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
