# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We got so high we made milksteak
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
