I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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