Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize