He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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