How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
