A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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