its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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