Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
