dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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