did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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