I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
