I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
