So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
