I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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