were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
