Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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