I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
