Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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