Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
