Sponge bath it is.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
