She is in my trunk
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
