I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
