hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
