You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
