You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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