I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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